Into the Naked Lounge a large mob filed, all with like object in mind: ‘fore a wooden idol, on a rostrum reposed instruments beckoning for a consummation of their purpose. Fain they have it, for from the wings cohered our first band, Time-Travelers, consisting of Abby Eastman on acoustic guitar, Faith Rash on bass guitar, and Katie Schneider on piano, the two foremost supplying the vocals. Although the band was rather nervous, they were bestirred to commencement by applause, and inaugurated the event with “Walking in a Winter Wonderland”, followed shortly by “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”, a felicitous heralding of the holiday spirit, which they executed competently.

Thence was Pickle Chips: Cora Arvonen and Lillian Farias on vocals, Jackson Dake, drums; Tenli McCord, electric guitar; Eliana Feather, piano. They began with a lovely rendition of “Baby, it’s Cold Outside”, followed by “Let it Snow”. The former is a song I am ever bewildered has cottoned on as a classic Christmas song, given its rather racy theme, particularly when emitting out of the mouth of a high-schooler, but the mellifluousness of Cora and Lillian excuse a great deal of concerns on that front. 

Next, out came Silly Joel (I just got the joke writing it down), constituted by: William Anothony on acoustic guitar; Katelyn Copper and Obie Stover, vocals; his brother, Jackson on electric guitar; and Alana Pitcher, piano. Their first canto was the divine “O Holy Night”, which was incarnated with, if not perfect, certainly wondrous euphony, such that the listener was ravished by the beatitude of both the lyrics and the performers. Obie in particular was quite passionate in his delivery, swaying with eyes closed as if enraptured. And when he did open his eyes, he was delighted to see that the audience had “turned on their flashlights on their phones and swayed. It was really cool to see that,” as Obie told me afterwards. They then played a Justin Bieber song, “Under the Mistletoe”. I did not like it. Not even Obie could save such fatuous lyrics. 

They were succeeded by High-Voltage, of Jett Young on bass guitar; Jessilyn Vann, drums; and Malora Wright, Vocals. They played “Walking in a Winter Wonderland” once more, and “Jingle Bell Rock”. The crowd was quite enamored of the conduction of the latter, whereby the audience joined in exuberantly in singing. 

Next arrived on the scene, Almost, But Not Quite, perhaps alluding to their inducing a near-climax, but they certainly would have made fine closers anyhow. They were numbered by: Riley “Atlas” Brier on bass guitar; Lisa Black, outfitted winsomely in cat ears upon elf ears, on electric guitar. Kyle Kambourine and Haylie Schmaeljohann, vocals; and Jessilyn abiding on the drums once more. First to be occasioned in Haylie’s prodigiously dulcet voice was “Santa, Baby”, another piece rather queer to hear at a school’s function, but was once again trumped by the performers’ prowess. Haylie delivered my favorite performance (though I would tend to bestow the laurels of soundest technical-vocals to Cora), as she rent her soul in belting out with such vigor nearly every line, perhaps verging on excess, but notwithstanding quite a joy to listen to. She even had the commendable chutzpah to sing without any accompaniment at certain points, which most of the performers shied from; and, if I may take the liberty, such courage paid off handsomely. They pushed their advantage with “Christmas Dirtbag”, a parody of Wheatus’ classic. The adaption was really quite fun, in particular, in the place of the melisma terminating Noelle’s requital, a hearty “ho-ho-ho” was interpolated by Kyle.

Finally to our entertainers, ‘N the Sync, made up of: Blaine Kringle on drums; Tre Bunting, bass guitar; Benjamin Feather, piano and vocals; Ian James, electric guitar, with a lovely cheetah print emblazoned on the frontage; and our very own president, with a redoubtable name to boot, Lowell Werblow III. First of fare was “Oh Come All Ye Faithful”, another of those sacrosanct melodies, followed by “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing”, which are primarily of note for our purposes in their being the antithesis of our terminating song, which we shall come to shortly. Building to a definitive climax, thirdly was “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”, which I never much cared for, but, though it be inconceivable to some, they pulled it off, Wyatt Sampietro joining in here to play the part of the lover-on-the-coattails with his deft use of jingle-bells. Here we have reached our culmination, which eludes proper description; “you had to be there”, but I shall do my utmost to recreate it: it is best understood as one of the surprisingly lengthy list of (how to put this?) erotic odes to Santa, half love-letter and half mating call. The apex of sensibility ran roughly as follows: “Touching Santaaaaaaa/Touching meeeeeeeeeee/Oh Santa, oh, [moans&c.],” and so forth. If I may slough an inherent prudishness, reach I entreat the reader likewise to concede, it really was quite fun, and was all the more approbable in that “it was totally unplanned…[we chose this piece] maybe 30 minutes ago….We made the best of things…I loved it!” as Lowell rather breathlessly intimated just afterwards.

So quite fittingly is concluded this year’s Christmas Preview. “The closing song was amazing. One of my favorite Christmas Previews thus far. We absolutely crushed it and the house was packed, and everyone played really well, and I’m really proud of everyone,” Collins exuberantly, or as approximately as he can attain to, intoned. It must reflect flatteringly upon the instructor if anything were to be proud of, ergo I, on behalf of the CORE populace, extend my gratitude for cohering such a performance, and likewise issue a warm congratulations and thank-you to all of the performers, who acquitted themselves in artificing for our pleasure a momentum aere perennius – a moment as durable as bronze.